5:45pm: We've just finished setting up the tent. The boys are running wild in the backyard with light sabers. One of the favorite things to do is go into the tent and then climb out through the dust door in the floor of the tent. The older two also like to shut Avi in or out, but they are getting along fairly well.
Who can even imagine what conversations will happen in this tent tonight. We've already heard the word "nuts" several times, and I'm pretty sure they weren't talking about pistachios or anything else available at a grocery store. It's challenging to know when to let go and when to intervene with different standards for behavior from different families. On one hand, there's the idea that it's our house, we go by our standards (we don't condone "nuts" or "hell" or "what the"). On the other hand, I don't want to be the cranky mom and make it unpleasant to be here when I would prefer that the boys hang out here.
7:00pm: Dinnertime. I tried nobly to get the boys to be appropriate at the table (I kept engaging Rio in polite conversation) but it was an uphill battle with all that energy. There were burps, "nut" jabs, refusals of food, and finally I had to simply send Noah away because he couldn't stop laughing hysterically. Will I ever enjoy a civil dinner with my three boys. I imagine a table of my family and their friends all having thoughtful conversation. I can handle the idea that I might not get it for 15 years, but the thought that I might never get it - or stop them from burping -or pretending to burp in Avi's case (which is even worse), sends me into an emotional spiral. Is this too much to ask for my future?
7:30pm: Getting ready for the tent. We've set them up with thermarests, two flashlights with new batteries, sleeping bags (including Great-PaPa's trail riding sleeping bag), games, toys, and books. It's all ready to go in the tent. They are playing outside for a little bit while we put the other two down for bed and then we've promised them popcorn when it's time to stay in the tent.
9:30pm: Finally in the tent. That took longer than expected! The finished the popcorn long ago without ever being in the tent. Hard to keep them in there when it's still light outside, but I won't let them play in the house when it's past bedtime in here. We've settled them in and I told them they could stay up as late as they wanted playing games, talking, reading, etc, but that they had to be in the tent now unless they needed a bathroom or emergency help. NO GETTING OUT OF THE TENT OTHERWISE.
10:00pm: Eavesdropping. I've settled with my laptop at the kitchen counter. The office just seems to far away. I can hear the plasticky clink of the connect four pieces dropping and the bubble pop sound of the Trouble game when I listen out the door occasionally.
10:45pm: Eavesdropping continued. I still hear quiet chatting out there when I open the door. I think it's the only time I've heard those two boys be quiet and calm. There's something unexpectedly precious about that. I'd give anything to know what they're talking about. It occurred to me for the first time that this is where real conversation and bonding (might) happen. Of course they could just be talking about nuts again. Who knows.
12:20am: Hungry. two intrepid "campers" just came in to use the bathroom and seeing that I was up, asked for some animal crackers and raisins, since they were hungry. I obliged. They were proud that they had stayed up to midnight. They think they are staying up all night long. Out they went again, wired and giggling.
12:35am: Monopoly? They came in again to see if they could get Monopoly. They are tired of playing Trouble and Connect Four and the batteries in the camera game are all used up and they've played with all the toys. Big meanie, I said no. No more games or toys. No, you can't get new batteries for your toy camera. You may go to sleep or have quiet conversation until you fall asleep. Response: "Aaaaaaahhhhh!" and "We're not going to fall asleep."
1:05am: Mama it's cold outside. They came in again. "Can we sleep in Noah's bed? It's cold out there." Never mind that they aren't wearing all the warm clothes that I insisted that they take out there with them. They thought I was crazy for making them have sweatshirts and sweatpants and socks when it was such a warm evening. Yes, you can sleep in Noah's bed. I offered to get another sleeping bag so Rio could sleep on the floor. No, they wanted to sleep in bed together. I asked if they wanted to sleep head to toe like Noah and Avi do sometimes. No, they both wanted to have their heads together. I gave them my most-serious mom look and said everyone around them is sleeping or going to be very soon. They MUST be quiet if they are in here.
I didn't hear a peep.
1:10am: I checked. They're sound asleep. Next question, when are those two monkeys going to wake up in the morning.
7:45am: Noah's up.
9:00am: Rio's up.
10:00-11:00am. Rio's grandpa comes to pick him up. It takes an hour to separate the toy boys and all their stuff.
11:00am: Post-party withdrawl. Noah is feeling jealous and miserable because he thinks his friend is luckier than he. He appears to get more allowance and more toys (as if anyone could have more toys than our children). We try to navigate the conversation about different families and different choices and not everything's what it seems without giving him too much information. Trust us kiddo we're thinking, you don't want to trade shoes here. No job, divorce, soon to be evicted, super young parents, a long list of challenges, that I'll avoid posting here. But we refrain from telling him things about his friend that might not be appropriate. Instead we just try to help him feel better about his jealousy. I bring up Esprit sweaters and Guess blue jeans versus trips to Hawaii. I don't think it does much. He just wants to know when we get to go to Hawaii next.
12:00 noon: We're on our way to Costco. Not surprisingly Noah falls asleep in the car.
5:00pm: Early evening naps for everyone. We let the boys watch a movie so Cary (miserable with allergies could nap) and so that maybe they would fall asleep too. No. So after the movie I enforce nap time for all of us. Ezra's down. Avi goes down (he was pretty wiped out from last night's excitement too I think), and Noah does too.
6:45pm: Noah wakes up and is a wreck. Meltdown mode. I've been prepared for this. Part of the reason I took a nap, so I could handle it with sweetness. I'm understanding and sweet and give him choices and help him not get backed into a corner. He rallies after a shower (which he initially protested violently) and ends the night very nicely and cooperatively. I'm reminded of how important it is not to get worked up in dealing with meltdowns. It helps that I was prepared for it.
And a note about Avi... The last month or so has been especially challenging (after it looked like things were getting easier for a while), but again, we've seen a shift in the last few days. Perhaps his "running away" experience Monday, made him reevaluate things. I don't know, but we've had about 4 straight good days. Not perfect, who could expect that anyhow, but good. And tonight he was so very sweet. He came downstairs around 7:00 having just woken up. He was clutching his lovely and in that whiny, stubborn wake-up phase. As I always try to do, I scooped him up and gave him a snuggle and tried to entice him with some options to help him transition out of a nap. He fussed a little bit, but was quickly lured to the barstool to have a few bites of leftover popcorn. (Whatever works, right?) He sat there noshing for a minute and then out of the blue said, "Mama, I'm sorry for being whiny when I came downstairs." WOW! I hadn't even mentioned it. I hadn't even acted annoyed with him. He figured it out all on his own. Those are the moments that make you think you really are accomplishing something!
And not to leave out Mr. Ezra... He is now climbing from ground floor to rumpus room in no time at all. He's not lightning speed like Avi was, but slow and steady gets him there just fine. (And he has only been climbing stairs for a short while.) He'll do just about anything to follow those brothers. He is starting to cruise along things a little bit and occasionally lets go of what he is holding on to and stands for a millisecond before falling. Here's a picture of him at his toy shelf. He loves to empty everything off the shelves. Most significantly however, he has continued sleeping through the night. That had to be the easiest sleep training ever! He has put himself back to sleep multiple times in the middle of the night (without me even going in there). I hear a little cry and before I can even get in to him, it has stopped. Please, please, keep this up. It is making a huge difference in my ability to cope with everything. Thank you Ezra. I don't know what I would do if I was in Nancy and J's shoes.
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